Guest Contributor
Aging isn’t a choice; it’s an inevitability.
It’s something we all will – if we’re lucky enough – face sooner or later. And when we face it, we will be met with new challenges, ones that we have never faced before. Some people will lose their independence depending on their age and their physical abilities. It is a scary thing; a person who spent their entire lives taking care of themself and others is reduced to someone in need of care from others.
A person who has the ability to make choices for themselves will have choices made for them.
Coping with the fact you’re aging is NOT only about physical adjustment. It’s also a process of having your identity reconstructed. In psychology, this is described as ‘ego integrity versus despair’ (a concept introduced by Erik Erikson). This is about how aging disrupts your autonomy; it forces you to become dependent, your life continuity shatters, which often triggers existential distress (a crisis).
That’s why preserving even the smallest forms of personal control supports mental health.
But there are many other challenges.
The older the person is, the more their social connections fade.
| Social isolation measurably and significantly increases the risk of dementia, depression, heart disease, and premature death. – CDC |
In time, people pass away, while others carry on, and when that happens, people lose their loved ones and their friends. And, of course, the most common change is the change within ourselves – both physical and spiritual. It is difficult not to let all those changes affect us.
Sometimes too difficult.
The most common fate for the elderly who can’t take care of themselves is ending up in nursing homes.
And that is a big step. One big step fraught with vulnerability that requires the helping hand of those close in order to help them bridge the gap in their new lives, in both spiritual and psychological well-being.
The Importance of Trust
Dependence is a big part of aging.
As our physical abilities deteriorate, we find that the once menial tasks we did – tasks we did countless times before – become too difficult. Sometimes too difficult to even accomplish. This is usually the time when people start thinking about the help of nursing homes or caregivers for basic tasks like bathing, dressing, and/or managing medication.
Trust is an important factor in this.
| Strong, trusting relationships are directly linked to better mental health, mental resilience, and longevity. – American Psychological Association |
After all, how could it not be? Placing lives in the hands of others is no small feat.
This reliance places people in a vulnerable spot.
| 1 in 10 older adults experience some form of abuse. This number is thought to be much higher because of many cases likely being unreported. – National Institute of Aging |
One that is easy to take advantage of those who do not adhere to the moral values of the job. And such a thing, despite being criminal, has a much greater impact than anyone could imagine. It causes a loss of trust, causes feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and all issues that come with those.
| Elder abuse/neglect shares a strong correlation with feelings of helplessness and anxiety. – National Academies |
It is easy to break something that is fragile. Because of this, caretakers have a critical role, one requiring not only the skill and know-how of how to do their job, but also the required compassion to do their job.
Compassion is not an added perk – it is a must. It is a must to address neglect and abuse, which are too easy and most of the time go overlooked.
Trauma
Sadly, trauma concerning elder care and nursing homes is not always visible and oftentimes overlooked.
Someone spouting verbal abuse in private is difficult to prove. Emotional neglect is hard to define. Invalidation of a person’s opinions and requests is difficult to address. Every person is unique, and every condition requires a delicate balancing as to what works for them and what doesn’t, including what they need.
Sometimes what’s considered verbal abuse for one person isn’t for the other.
Sometimes it’s better to invalidate certain things, but sometimes it is not. It is a slippery slope often left in the hands of those who take care, not those who are taken care of. But, those who provide care are not always right, and they are not without flaws – some more than others. This is why it’s important to keep a close eye on these matters.Â
Improper care can lead to anxiety and depression, causing serious grievances to a person’s mental and spiritual well-being.
| Depression in older adults is often underdiagnosed because of an overlap of various physical and cognitive symptoms. – National Institute of Mental Health |
Those are psychological issues that cause mental and spiritual harm.
There are issues that cause harm both psychologically and physically. One of those issues – and a rarely discussed one – is sexual abuse in nursing homes. Sexual abuse among the elderly often goes unreported due to many factors, such as fear, cognitive impairments, or just simple shame. Factors that far transcend simple physical abuse and those that cut much deeper.
It’s an abuse that cuts at the sacredness of the human being and one for which the only cure is time, but in the elderly, time is a scarce commodity.
It’s because of this that family members, including all the staff and healthcare professionals, must remain vigilant in looking for signs as they manifest through spiritual distress.
Conclusion
| “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln |
Aging is an inevitability. One that we must keep in mind.
For those who took care of us and showed us love, it is only right that we do the same back to them in their greatest time of need. While there are those who go through life with grace and dignity, sadly, that isn’t the case for all people.
There are those who, without their say or choice, cannot do the same.