Ross Edwards BSc DipBSoMIn this article, we look at the masculine Lover archetype, one of the four main male archetypes, along with the Warrior, Magician and King.
This is usually the first to come online in a man’s life after he progresses from boyhood and seeks experiences, undertakes new adventures, and gets experimental.
Some believe this to be the most misunderstood male archetype. You might believe the name refers to sexual love or romantic affairs, but this isn’t true. In essence, this archetype describes an energy that gets us enthusiastic and inspired for life as a whole. The Lover doesn’t just direct this to women, but to experiences, great work, the senses, and more.
The Essence of the Lover Archetype
The core feature of the Lover is that it sees the wonder of life and drinks it in. It seeks freedom, boundlessness, exploration and enjoyment. When a man is functional, this energy works in conjunction with the other archetypes and is reigned in by them. The Lover gives verve and excitement to the Warrior, Magician and King, while these channel its raw, unharnessed potential.
Core Traits
As mentioned, the Lover is the first adult male archetype to develop, and does so at a time when the man is able to leave familiar constraints and explore without the confines laid down by authority. It brings youthful idealism, excitement, feeling and emotion. Life is infused with intensity. He enjoys pleasures of all kinds, not merely the basic ones like food and sex.
The Lover feels deeply. Whether it’s the pleasure he experiences from a meal, love shared with an intimate partner, or the multitude of emotions inspired by music, the Lover welcomes it in. He is emotionally, physically and viscerally open to all kinds of experiences. Both deep love and deep pain are welcomed as parts of the full repertoire of human emotion.
The Lover drinks in the multiplicity of life. He gets inspired by art, nature, music, science, literature, food, women, and any number of pursuits. This is a positive feedback look: these experiences only further fuel his inspiration and passion. They also fuel his creativity: this archetype inspires us to do our greatest work. He connects with the spiritual origin of all expressions of life.
This is a socially capable archetype. He’s charismatic and sparks connection with others. Because he is guided by emotion more than intellect, He is a good judge of character and tunes into people’s demeanour and body language to determine who they really are beyond the masks they wear. Unfortunately for tricksters and false people, the Lover has a highly sensitised BS detector.
So those are the core traits of this archetype. Unfortunately, we tend not to perfectly integrate it into our personality, and have a certain amount of addiction or aversion to it. Let’s start by looking at the signs of addiction to the Lover.
Addiction to the Lover Archetype
This is when we are in touch with the lover archetype, but too in touch. We can’t let go of it. We don’t limit our passion or channel it productively, and our zest for life is never satisfied. We’re always seeking the one thing that will make us feel alive once and for all.
We continue trying to satiate our hunger with new lovers, businesses, projects, hobbies, trips across the world, or other form of stimulation. Because of this continual seeking, we never drink in the moment, and so never satiate the hunger. What’s more, each novel experience only has diminishing returns, so the addiction gets more severe with time.
The Lover archetype has malformed and taken on a life of its own. It’s wild and unchannelled, and we’re left as slaves to the neverending search for novelty. Our appreciation for life is diffuse and dissipated.
On the other hand, the addicted Lover can channel all of its energy into one single project or relationship. Rather than being addicted to novelty, he’s addicted to one area of his life. Eventually this imbalance spells disaster, and he winds up destroying his object of desire.
In the age of porn, social media, TikTok and YouTube shorts, we’re all prone to Lover addiction. We have a never-ending stream of stimulating, empty material in our pockets, wherever we are. Our Lover energy, our verve, our passion for life, might end up locked into these channels, and we become slaves to passive consumption.
Allergy to the Lover
On the other hand, we can be allergic to the Lover. We’re not in touch with the wonder of life. We’re inspired. We see life as dull and meaningless. Robert Moore, who formulated the four male archetypes, says this is the most stunted archetype in men today.
If you feel lifeless, flat and uninspired, it’s likely that the Lover archetype is lying dormant inside of you. If this is the case, it’s likely that this energy has become distorted. It’s likely to explode and express itself in some unhealthy way, like alcohol or porn addiction. With their love for life withering on the vine, they fulfilment it via artificial means.
Lacking verve, the allergic Lover struggles to connect with others because it has nothing to share or . Life seems boring and sterile. Every day is the same. Nothing inspires him.
It often arises in men who are rigid, self-denying and overdisciplined. There are many possible causes for this, like strict parents, or traditional, repressive schooling.
How I Cultivate This Archetype
Let me share the practical, day-to-day things I do to cultivate the Lover archetype in my life:
- Pursue Interests: I feed my interest for different subjects and hobbies while channelling most of my energy into a few. I do this for their own sake, not as a means to an end. Many of my pursuits aren’t popular, and this is a good sign that they’re an authentic interest. My hunch is that our authentic Lover is suppressed by our dumbed-down, low-quality modern culture.
- Work: almost ten years ago now, I vowed to find a passion and make a living from it. I now have several sources of income, each of which is directly related to my greatest passions.
- Moderation: I avoid most artificial stimulation, like alcohol, TV binges and gaming. These are low-quality, addictive, mind-numbing substitutes for pure, sober joy and presence. They hijack the Lover archetype.
- Presence: I take in life with all the senses and try to enjoy every moment to the fullest, wherever I am. Nature is the perfect place for cultivating present-moment attention.
- Meditation: my meditation practice frees the body and enables me to drink in the senses.
- Reading: I read to expand my mind and inspire myself.
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